Lord I Go To Church, But I Can’t Find a Man: Online Dating

lord book newestfront Alisja’s Story – When Alisja was in college, she majored in computers. Over the years, she mastered computer technology. She knew how to build top-notch Myspace pages, Facebook, and Twitter designs for her friends. She was always a little shy about connecting with men on the Internet. She had had enough of men lying to her in person. She didn’t want to add the computer as another device of rejection. She had several friends who found fine looking men over the Internet, so she figured why not?

It was a late Friday night and she was home alone, again. There was nothing going on at the church for singles. “There never is anyway,” she thought. She watched several old movies and laughed her way through reruns of Martin for at least 3 hours. She decided to try something new since she was bored out of her mind. She opened an account on Black Planet. Through her research, she found it was one of the best sites for meeting men. She also decided to start a page on “blackpeoplemeet.com”. The men were not too bad looking. Then she ran across “Faithmate.com” .She saw a lot of men outside her race on this site  if she wanted to swirl it a little. It was not long before she got a message on her AOL account. The beautiful sound of a strong computerized male voice was heaven to her ears.

”You’ve got mail!” She loved hearing it. It made her feel like she was not in the house alone on Friday night. She even decided to take a quick shower and put on her best PJs to start the night reading email from potential lovers and maybe even a husband in the making. Alisja went back to her Black Planet account and began searching through the pages.

Some of the men were really hard on the eyes. One guy took a picture with his pit bull, his gun, his truck, and no shirt. Another guy had a picture of him posing with his girlfriend’s head photo cut half way through the picture. She saw a few men who claimed to be preachers but they had no shirts on in their photos. They had enough Crisco and Shea butter greased down their chests to fry a 2 piece with fries.

She was offended but fascinated at the same time. A few men sent her winks. Some of the older men who were deacons left really old school raunchy notes and comments. She could smell the Ben-gay through the screen. There were a few women who sent her winks and kisses. She did not swing that way. One woman she recognized from the women’s prayer breakfast from last Saturday morning. She knew something was wrong with her when she met her because she was dressed in a blue dress and Timberlands. “How’s that working for ya?” Alisja thought.

Finally she got a decent email from a brother nearby. He was tall, sexy, and a Christian. He looked like a businessman and had a bright smile. Alisja only liked dating tall men. She was 5’ 11” and liked her men about 6’ 3” or taller. He was about that height she liked. She was interested. He said he wanted to talk. She gave him her number. They talked all night long. His smooth silky voice made her tighten up her robe. He made her laugh. She had not had a man make her laugh in a long time.

They planned on meeting next weekend. She was excited. She told a few of her girlfriends about him. They went and checked his page to make sure he was a real person. He checked out. They found his profile on “blackpeoplemeet.com” and “soul mate.com”. He was consistent with his profiles. She talked to him every day that week. They texted all day long. He texted her cute messages. He sent her pictures of ducks and birds with scriptures.

He sent her scriptures every morning in an email. She sent him words of encouragement and pictures of butterflies and dogs. They were connecting. It was perfect. Throughout the week, she still got new emails from other men. She felt wanted and loved again. She needed a boost to her ego as a woman to feel needed and valued. This online dating thing was working.

It was Friday night. She got ready for her date. She was excited about meeting him. She felt like she already knew him. She called him Mr. Perfect to encourage herself that he was the one. She hadn’t really prayed about it but knew God was in this thing. How else could they have met? It had to be God. He checked out and she was excited. She had learned how to stalk men over the years pretty well. She was an expert at collecting information.

He checked out all around in every way. She took a long bath to relax before her date. Alisja got dressed for date with Mr. Perfect. She put on her baby blue dress with the open back. She wanted to show him a little something, but not too much. She sprayed herself with Chanel Number 5. She coughed up some of it a few times from spaying herself in the mouth, but wanted the scent to linger. She put on her red 4” heels. Jesus understood. But then she took them right back off. Not this time she thought. These shoes had brought her bad luck. She slipped on white stilettos to try something new. Maybe this time this would be the one. They had agreed to meet at a nearby restaurant. She took the car just in case she needed to flee the scene. They agreed to meet at table number 7. She asked the waiter to take her to table number 7. She was excited and scared to meet him. She crossed her fingers all the way to the table. She saw him sitting there. He looked just like his picture. So far so good she thought. He looked up at her with his sexy baby brown eyes. She was in love. He is amazing she thought. She even held back a small tear trying to crack the side of her eyes for thankfulness to God.

He stood up and gave her a hug. He held her tight and hugged with deep intimacy. She was looking over his head. She started thinking, “where is the rest of him?” She even took her hand and waved it over his head. It passed straight through the air. Half of him was missing. Where is the other half? Did he leave half of himself at home? Is he on his knees? “This can’t be right,” she thought. He let her go and she looked down at him with concern. She looked way down at him.

She had to pull in her chest a little and bend forward to see all of him. It was like she staring at her 9-year-old nephew Todd in the face. He peered up at her with great anticipation. Not once did he explain himself, his height or the lack of it. “Nothing against short men, if you are into that,” she thought. He can’t even ride at Disney if we went. I know he could not ride this if he wanted. She stepped back and took a deep breath. “Be Christian,” she told herself. He sat down across from her. He had the waiter bring him a booster chair before she had arrived so they could see eye to eye.

They began talking. But it was not the same as it was over the phone. He ate with his mouth open. He scratched his neck, a lot. He burped every time he drank the apple juice. And he lied about his height! There was not much to talk about. She couldn’t even remember a word he said. All she could hear was her own voice: “This man is short. Really short.

I could pick him up and place him on the table. He is 5’ tall. I lost 11 inches in this lie. He is short. He is a child. OMG! He is still talking like we’re doing this!” She hugged him good-bye after dinner. He tried to get a kiss, but she wasn’t picking him up for that. She gave his head a hug and went to the car. She went home. She took four sets of turns to make sure he would not follow her. When she arrived home, she undressed and put on her robe. She sat there eating ice cream when she heard a voice yell from her laptop, “You’ve got mail!” She looked over at her laptop. And slammed it shut! She said in a loud angry voice shouting, “No. You’ve got some nerve!” Then she thought, “Well it won’t hurt to check it. Who knows, this could be the one!”

Nonfiction Book on Dating: Lord I Go to Church, But I Can’t Find a Man                          On Kindle and paperback on Amazon!

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